There Are Many Kinds Of Sadness

saudek09

There are many kinds of sadness —
Heartbreak is only one kind.

Like that one time,
When the wife of a surgeon
Paid me cash for sex
And brought me Danish cookies;
Her kiss was revolting.
I felt sad for her…
And myself.

Or the last summer,
When I was violence
Inside a sophomore girl,
Who I met on a road trip —
She let me ravage her body
Out of curiosity…not love;
Something died inside me that day.

Or in that crowded dance-floor
When I rose like a creature
With throbbing flesh and veins,
As the female stink of
A 50-something armpit made me her slave.
She locked her eyes on me and smiled —
It was grief.

I steal poems from my own dreams
To claim them in the wake,
I surf bodies and beds in the hope
To escape my defeat,
I seek solace in her low moan
As I spread her pleasure walls —
But a pool of sadness is all there is to find.

There are many kinds of sadness —
Some, you’ve never even heard of.

Photography by Jan Saudek

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