Rants Of A Misfit

Folks, I need to bid goodbye to you. I value you all as dear friends, but I no longer fit the shoes to be here. I can no longer connect with your hopes, dreams and aspirations and you, mine. It’s funny because all you practice and talk about is consuming material, but you suggest me, who you all know has chosen a life of hardship for a difficult goal, that I must become corrupt with money first, or become a sell-out, to make it. Or thousand other reasons why I wouldn’t be able to make a film, with or without making compromises. I do not hold any of that against you, because you may not know any other way. We are not better or worse than each other. We are just different people on different paths. Mine is unfamiliar to you, which is why you may speak loosely of it. But it’s a difficult path nonetheless and I must protect myself from discouragement and negativity. Since last two years I am on a constant struggle both as an artist and as an entrepreneur and nobody had shown any sign of faith in me, other than a few film fraternity people. So I must protect my self-belief to keep it intact. Whether I can make it or not is another story. Only time will reveal what plans it has for me. But I must not give up. I am a lone wolf and my instinct is my only weapon. I must give myself a fighting chance by trusting my instincts. And therefore it is so necessary that I cut myself off from any kind of negativity or doubts. I must not let other people rationalise my failure. Hopefully someday I may inspire few other oddball individuals. If not, nothing lost. I inspired myself, and I always will. So don’t take it personally. People like me have difficult inner lives and we are vulnerable. It’s very emotionally stressful when people who are not remotely involved in your struggle or have no clue of what kind of mountains you have to move on a regular basis, who have not gone without food for even a day, who have not roamed a megacity with 2 rupees in their pocket, who have not known how it feels to not have a pair of shoes to wear to an interview, suddenly comes and charges you with insensitive mindless accusations and starts a casual entertaining discussion on your motives and your possible doomed end. I understand your position. You didn’t mean any of these. But let me protect myself while you let yourself have comfort and happiness. I have set out to do something, and I will die trying to achieve that. Farewell, compadre.

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